Friendship is very vulnerable. I have very limited of good friends, but I'm lucky to have them around. Cause without them around, I don't think there will be a "me" now. That's why I love them very much.

Even though I love them alot, I don't treat them very well, care for them alot and express my feelings out alot. Cause I'm not someone who is damn good at expressing out my feelings or good at words. I may be easy to understand, but I'm hard quite hard to trust/totally open up my feelings to anyone cause I've been hurt by some bastards/bitches.

YOU! I'm sick and tired of it. I feel like I'm just an extra friend in part of your life. Whenever no one company you, then you come find me. You always talk about your love & your clique but never talk about me. You always put heart shape/nicknames behind their names but not mine. You always say you love them but not me.

I've also been there with you when you needed me. I don't really mind you treating me as an extra as long as you tell me things, as long as you let me understand you more. But now, I felt that I'm drifting more and more apart from you and also the title from being "close" friends to "normal" friends. I do do get jealous also. I'm a human too. I do have a heart and no matter how tough I act, I does not have a metal heart.

I know I do may have some fault in some ways. But I never ever treated you like normal friends. I always tell you all the things. I always company you when I'm free. And when things happen, I will always ask you why, what happen & etc. But it's the always same answer I get. "Lazy lar." "Long story, next time then tell you." "Aiyar, I tell alot of people already leh." You always don't tell me things and that's why I will misunderstand. And when things happen, you sort of like blame me just like what happen in this case.

JOEY ONG LI YING! I'm sorry sometimes for my behaviour cause I know it's very sickening. But I can't help it right? I trying to change already lar though I know you confirm say like no difference leh. But now I do pick up calls already loh. I don't suddenly MIA! LOL

I know sometimes I always ask you company me this and that. But then it's because I doesn't wants to be alone. I'm not good with words and with new people. You do know that I'm damn quiet towards new people. I do change a little already. But then, I don't think I can change this anymore. If not, this won't be me. Haha.

PLUS YOU, MARCUS YAP! Please trust her for goodness sake. If you keep on going like this, don't blame me for siding her to break up with you. I know you are quite a good guy but you need to add in more trust cause she had changes from a bad gf to good gf now! You wouldn't want to know how she's like in the past. Damn sickening one. So PLEASE DO TRUST HER! SHE'S NOT GONNA CHEAT ON YOU! SHE LOVE YOU ALSO VERY MUCH but not as much as you love her lar. Lol. If there's still one more time of this thing happen again. I'm not gonna care anymore. I'm just gonna ask her to break up with you cause NO TRUST=FCUK OFF.

JAZREEL CHAN! I think I'm a bad bestfriend to you. Cause I don't really care about you alot like as you say. But then you also know if we got nothing to talk, totally blank one loh. Somemore msn damn hard to express feelings out. Somemore people do say I type like angry/not happy one. So people will always misunderstand what I'm expressing out. Somemore you live so far now. Hard to communicate also. Call expensive, sms even more expensive only can wait till the time you came back nia. So when you come back, I will try to meet you more often. And if both of us no money, then shall stay at your house loh. But then PLEASE HAVE MORE FOOD! LOL

I know life is hard over there for you too. But it's really too bad that I can't go there and study together with you. If not, both of us will go crazy and grinding other guys already. HAHA! You really are a great friend. I think I'm lucky to have you too. But if there is any problems you wanna talk about, you can find me also. If I'm not online, you can send me offline msg. And please do update me your life. I wouldn't want to be the last few to know about your life. I don't like the feeling of being unimportant. Hehe:D







I shall blog since I'm free. Spent my halloween last night. I dressed up like some.... I don't know what it's called. I just wore my black corset with jeans first. Then after that changed to my skirt with leggings. I even put on a top hat. The make up I had doesn't seems to be scary at all. Waste my effort. I even put on red lipstick. Sigh~

But then I think the scariest is xiao bai, louis, ZQ & eve. They look really scary can. Lol. I saw one cutie at dance floor. I think he damn cute can. I purposely keep walking past him. Haha. And he notice me too. :DDDDD I think i very 花痴. Lol. I like the way he wore. Even cuter. The way he dance also cute lar. Aiyar, whatever he does I think also cute loh. Lol. Saw some interesting costumes. Got people came wearing just balloons, in orange container or something?, cubes also and alot more lar. I think alex's makeup is super duper good!

I had katong laksa while working. It was damn good lar. Almost everyone ate and compliment in it. But then it was quite slack. Not alot of orders for me but had alot of clearing to do. I hate squeezing in the dance floor. Seriously. I keep kena push here and there. Some people even took advantage.

Tomorrow's schooling. Sian. I did my flash test on last friday. The test confirm die! I did less than half and my motion tween totally cannot. Damn fcuk up. I'm gonna do my best in fyp and definitely not using flash! Lol



Been long since I blog. Pretty lazy about it. Not gonna blog long long one since inping's complaining. My brother is practically missing now after eating his dinner. The house ain't that big yet still can went missing. Lol.

School's sucks. My attendance is even worse. Hopefully I will not repeat this module. But then, sometimes can't help but think that I will repeat since my work sucks to the core man. This class totally sucks. Totally is the worse class ever. I've been so naive about it for the beginning of the course. So naive about it. I can't help but blame myself for feeling about that. That gang is totally fake asses. Never trust them at all.

Gonna work during halloween. Was pretty excited about it in the first place since I've already paid the rent for my maid costume. I THOUGHT I can wear during working. But end up I can't. I have to change it to corset since I have to wear similar ones as working clothes. Black all the way. Sian. Gonna go squeeze around the crowd. Totally hate it. And some hands will just slide past your breast. Damn it lar. But then there are hotties&cuties there. So HAHA.

Schedule totally pack this week. Weekends, working. Weekdays schooling plus need to go off somewhere. Tomorrow heading to helipad. Barney having interview. Although it's not really my business, but then I have to head down just to ask information for all the bloody hell drinks. So freaking ass and I have to head home alone. Sian. Damn sian.





I'm in school right now. What vivan says totally didn't get into my head. Haha. I think I'm really busy this week. No free day unless I didn't went to school. Can't skip school anymore. Gonna graduate soon. I'm gonna ask someone morning call me already. Haha. Or better, someone send me to school. But I doubt there's anyone I know will send me since it's freaking early.

Fri & Sat working. Tips on fri sucks till they can't get it. Sat was really great. The tips gotten more. I was lucky I didn't late. But was still quite lonely. It's a good thing jan was working upstairs with me on sat. Fri was fcuking lonely. Seriously, both of them doesn't really talk to me unless I ask questions? They even had wedges and didn't like offer me? Seriously, I think they having mood swings. Sometimes they are okay, sometimes they look like you can seriously punch them. Lol.

Julian got drunk when he tried to challenge ZQ/James. He's funny when he's high. Keep asking me to be high for whatever no reason. He got drunk till he can't work anymore. Siti bought the staffs upstairs fish&chips with wedges due to our good performances. Haha. Lucky. The food was nice lar. Didn't expect that to come. Sat was totally clubbing. Customers doesn't even wants to leave. I did saw some hotties. Haha. That's good. At least it doesn't really bored me that much.

It's been a long time since I visit the movies. Gonna catch some movies soon. Haha. I'm hungry. Lesson ending at 12pm. Inping's mouth with the braces is funny. Can't really stop laughing. Haha.


I can finally had a good rest! It's tough having 2 jobs since I can't like quit my cabbie now. My mum still doesn't knows I'm working at the club since she doesn't allowed also. Haha. I know I'm bad.

Fri & Sat working at the club. Sun working at the cab. Working at club was not bad even though it's tiring for the starting of the work. It's hard for a newbie like me, learning all those alcohol's name and stuffs since I don't really went to clubbing or an alcoholic. But I still know SOME drinks though. Lol. Fri was alright~ Been busy from 9plus to 12am and after that, very little people. Chef and wii was having the last day yet me & joey was having the first day. Haha. Had a great fun for their so called "farewell" and also melody's birthday even though we didn't drank any alcohol.

Sat's night was fun yet somehow felt a little disgust. We were having gay's party. It was the fist time in my whole life seeing so many many many gays. Almost 500pax of it. Even though their actions somehow disgust me. But I doesn't feel bad being their friend. I think it's quite awesome being their friend. Hehs. Although I didn't get to work downstairs, I'm still glad I didn't. It's really crowded and hard to squeeze in. Heard that some of the guys were being touchy touchy from the gays. Haha. And michelle saw 3gays half naked and full naked. The front & the back were helping the middle one pcc. OMG! Luckily I didn't saw. I even saw some gays grinding by the front and their expressions was like "mmmmm". And some even went in to the girls toilet. I was shock till I even check whether I went in to the correct toilet anot. Hahs. Funny.

But it was really tiring since I hadn't been standing that long already. The last time I did stand that long was J.CO. My leg's muscle was still cramp now): And I didn't really had a good sleep this morning. Keep waking up. I wonder is it the bed problem or what. I can't find any good spot to lie on. But I actually had a really good sleep till 4plus. That's really sad. It only last awhile): Done blogging. I'm gonna watch my anime already(:






I'm feeling super bored now! No one entertaining me! Mum still hasn't been back. Guess she should be either drinking or clubbing. Hah. Must be wondering my mum still went clubbing. Lol.

Came back from work an hour plus ago. Working today is so totally not fun. Been busy even since I started work. Lost & found & driver's line keep ringing and ringing. It makes me kinda pissed. Feeling super moody during working. One thing was because my throat practically fcuking pain. Can't even swallow my saliva properly. The more I ate my strawberry yogurt, the more it hurts. Stupid. I don't mind if my voice is losing, but I mind when it is in pain! Bloody asshole.

I'm still wondering if wanna go work tomorrow. Feeling super lazy! But but but, my pay is coming soon! And if I don't work more, I can't see lots lots of money in my pay. How how? And I'm going clubbing with tommy they all tomorrow since I promise him. If I went for work, I need to like cab down to the club which I don't want since I doesn't have much money! ):

I need to sleep early! If not, I won't have enough sleep and will be feeling very sleepy tomorrow! But I guess I should went for work? Since I don't think anybody is free to help me ): Sad~ Working again. So boring~ Guess I should take my pub job since I'm always interested in night life. Hehs :D

Jessalyn Tan



17th May 1991
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